Category Archive

Soooo…continuing from the last post…

Sunday our tour guide hostess had clients, so we were left to our own devices, a thought that after the previous night’s metro-stop-missing debacle, left us a little unsure…

Never ones to be dissuaded by our own ignorance, however, we confidently set out for the Parc Güell, another of Gaudí’s architectural masterpieces. The park is situated almost directly northwest of the medieval quarter, which, conveniently, was mere steps from our hostess’s apartment. And by “mere steps”, I am of course referring to the 5,384 steps leading straight up the hill from the street level, the ascension of which is necessary to reach the park. The magnitude of this daunting challenge gave us pause, as we are not at our pinnacle of fitness (come on…high school track was a long time ago, and beer is just so, so good. Well, not here in Spain, but in general, yes.), but in the name of culture, we pressed on. We were relieved, however, when we rounded the corner and noted that the 5,384 steps were actually part of a moving escalator, which through the miracle of powered-stair technology, brought us to the top of the hill with minimal effort, agreeing perfectly with our corn-fed Midwest expectations. After winding through a hilly, pine tree-lined path, we discovered the main sculptural area of the park, which was impressive in its color, construction and vista. The main feature is a large, raised, gravel-covered park / sitting area, held aloft by a series of pseudo-Doric columns and tiled in the typically Gaudí-an broken tile style. Surrounding this raised park was a continuous undulating bench resembling some kind of freak serpent. Below the gravel area was a forest of altered Doric columns, between which concave domes with bright blue and green mosaics rose and fell, giving the impression of looking up at the rolling surface of a body of water from below. Surrounding this central park were a few small gingerbread-inspired houses, originally summer homes for the Barcelonan elite who commissioned the park as a getaway from the downtown summer heat. Overall, the place looked like Phidias and the Witch from Hansel & Gretel went on a bender with Timothy Leary and decided to build their “Happy Place”. We totally dug it.

From here we headed back to the Metro (making careful note of at which stop we were supposed to get off) and made our way across town to the Montjuïc hill, site of the remains of the 1929 World’s Fair. Our goals were to see the Mies van der Rohe-designed German pavilion—one of the harbingers of the modern International Style and a Mecca of sorts for design junkies like myself—and to check out this little nearby place called “Poble Espanyol”, a collection of quintessential Spanish architecture. The German pavilion was more-or-less (or less-is-more) a religious experience, as it embodies pretty much all the tenets of modern design and paved the way for design to become an integrated part of business and social development, instead of an ancillary afterthought of adornment. The space is very sparse and clean, constructed of marble, glass and steel, its flat planes intersecting at the sharp right angles to be expected of German precision. It is the physical embodiment of the “less-is-more” ethos and a revolt against the overwrought adornment of the Art Nouveau, seeking, in a way, to clarify the machine-inspired lines of Art Deco and the Streamlined movements. I could continue to bore you with lurid details of my experience, but suffice it to say it’s a good thing I brought along an extra pair of clean shorts…

Poble Espanyol was an interesting little diversion, the source of the title of these posts, and one which we immediately regretted spending €16 to get into. It’s not that it was all that bad for any particular reason. In fact, after we got over the idiocy of our decision, we kinda enjoyed ourselves, and we had a decent lunch and some ice cream, which can soothe the pains of any tour book-inspired folly. Here’s the back story: Basically, Poble Espanyol is a one-stop quintessential shop for all the architectural variation of the entire Iberian peninsula, created to give visitors to the 1929 exhibition a sense of what the rest of Spain was like, assuming that they had neither the time nor fiscal ability to actually visit each of these diverse places. It’s a little like Disney Land, except that everything’s in Spanish (which, come to think of it, is exactly like Disney Land…). You walk through a turreted portal in a large stone wall (reminicent of the Medieval city wall of Toledo), into a quintessential Plaza Mayor (like in Madrid), which is surrounded by buildings featuring stores and restaurants on the ground floor with apartments and offices above (just like Madrid), then stroll down narrow whitewashed streets (Sevilla), pass Mudejar cathedrals and bell towers (Cordoba, Granada), through open-air markets (Valencia, Barcelona) and past little white thatched-roofed pueblos—all within a 20-minute walk from end-to-end. In actuality, it was well done, and being designed and built by Spainards in Spain, it retained a fairly high degree of authenticity. The stupid part of the whole thing—as Al so graciously pointed out to me amidst her fits of laughter at the lunch table—was that we just spent €16 to walk through fake versions of the real cities we’ve spent the last 10 weeks wandering through. I attribute our decision to the fact that we were starving and light-headed prior to entering, facts which clouded our judgement. Upon leaving the place, we made a pact not to tell our tour guide hostess of our waste of time.

"Oh wow! Fake Spain!"

After a stroll past the nearby art museum (which was closed), we headed back to the Old Quarter, intending on visiting the Roman Museum. Barcelona was a major outpost in the Roman era, and as such, there is a great amount of their architecture and infrastructure still remaining. In fact, the Medieval cathedral is built on the foundations of the old Roman walls and, nearby, there are Roman columns standing the middle of an apartment block’s courtyard (they had previously been built into the buildings, but were “exhumed” during some recent reconstruction), among numerous other examples. Though both the tour book and our tour guide assured me that the museum would be open all day on Sunday, it in fact was not, having closed at 3pm. We got there at 4pm. Mierda.

This was a minor inconvenience, as the Picasso museum was just around the corner and was in fact open, contrary to the listing in the guide book. Go figure. We did take a wrong turn somewhere, however, and ended up in an open plaza near city hall. As we paused here to consult our map, we were approached by a hip-looking young woman who politely asked us in subtly-eastern-European-accented English if we spoke English. Not immediately taking her for a bum, we said “yes”, at which point she began her ploy, asking for money. Wising up, we said we didn’t have any, at which point she stormed off, curing us and calling out over her shoulder, “You guys are wires! Wires! You have monies!”

We were flattered. Even despite our escalator-taking habits to Parc Güell, we still appeared lean and fit enough that this young lady felt compelled to compliment our slim physiques. The day was lookin’ up.

We got back on track and found the Picasso Museum, which was a great retrospective tour, showcasing a great wealth of his early work and evolution to abstraction; the parts of the story that rarely get told in most museum settings. The collection was especially robust due to Picasso’s own donations as well as those of his widow, making it one of the premier groupings of his work in the world. The biggest lesson here: the man could draw. Like REALLY draw. And he could mimic just about any style he wanted. And once he was bored with mimicry, he would just invent a new style. Not a bad way to make a living.

After our nearly three-hour tour of Picasso’s mad genius, we turned for home, ultimately enjoying dinner and drinks with our hostess before crashing into bed.

The next morning found us fighting through protesters at the Ave high-speed train station in order to board our car for the journey back to Madrid. Apparently they were irritated that they weren’t getting enough of the subsidies from the government on the profits from the train…? I’m not really sure. Having just gotten a hold of basic 5th-grader Spanish, I was a little under prepared to read train-related political jargon scrawled on bedsheets being waved about by overly-energetic, whistle-blowing Spanish college students. Especially at 8 in the morning. I still was at a loss when we returned to Madrid to find another group with nearly identical bedsheet slogans awaiting us at the disembarkation platform. If nothing else, though, I was commended their level of coordination. I mean, to get us coming and going? That’s a lot for college kids.

So that rounds out our 2.5 days in Barcelona. We’re nearing the end of adventure, with only a week of class left and two more cities to hit before we leave. Next up: Córdoba & Granada with more (somewhat) Big, Tall American friends (these ones are different though…and one’s a doctor and really knows what antioxidants do)!

More photos are up,
-bdmc

Ok, enough horsing around with this “job search” thing. It’s become clear from our protracted expiscation and a distinct lack of options from you, dear readers, that, really, we’re just not meant to be employed. Rather than fill out yet ANOTHER resume submission page on a bassackwards corporate application site, I’ve decided instead to write the conclusions to our Iberian saga.

I know you’ve all been waiting at least a month (judging from the timestamp on the draft of this post), and I’m sure you’ve all just been dying to know how it wraps up. It’s ok to admit that your lives have been cold and empty without our somewhat irregular and unsolicited recaps of random strolls through foreign cities, and you’ve cried yourselves to sleep every night longing for our poetic genius to dance across your screens. It won’t affect your position in our eyes. And if you’re chiding us for our delay, don’t forget, even some of history’s greatest pieces of literature were written over protracted periods: Great Expectations was crafted in installments over several years appearing as segments in a weekly London serial, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn was only finished decades after Twain started it, and there’s no way that Tolstoy finished War and Peace in anything under what? like 20 years? So consider yourselves lucky for reading potentially great literature. And I stress potentially.

Anyway, here goes the Barcelona recap (keep in mind this was started back in June, when we were actually returning from Barca):

As mentioned in a previous post (before all the poop talk and threats of arson), we just returned from an exceptional trip to Barcelona this past weekend. As far as all the places we’ve visited, this one comes damn near to topping the list (and does in some cases, depending on your criteria). It has the modern energy of Madrid, the laid back seaside culture of Valencia, the ancient texture of Toledo and Segovia, the artisanal creative buzz of Sevilla, and best of all, their soccer team is the arch nemesis of Real Madrid, which just makes me giggle with glee.

Our journey started off a tad ominously. As we were sitting on the train (the awesome hi-speed train, mind you) moments prior to our departure time, a sudden raucous ruckus developed behind us, near the door between our car and the one to our rear. It seemed to grow nearer, then fade away, only to return again and continue to amplify. Quickly realizing that it was the foreboding sound of children’s laughter, we began to panic, praying to Real Madrid that they would intervene and put the little bastards on another car. Our cries, however, were in vain. Within moments, our car was overrun by a wild herd of screeching tweener girls and a second onslaught of ADD-afflicted 10-year-old boys, both groups all jacked up on Mountain Dew and accompanied by one or two…”adults”, which, just like at summer camp, seemed to be just five minutes older than the oldest charge for whom they were responsible. It was like a swarm of locusts devouring our peaceful pre-departure silence. And for the next two hours it continued unabated, with girls sitting in seats right next to each other screaming at the top of their lungs to each other and the boys racing up and down the aisle with a soccer ball while the “adults” stared blankly at each other and occasionally made a barely-audible “shh” sound to the one kid on the train that was asleep thru the whole disaster. Nice work, doofus. It actually got so bad that I, for a second time, violated my “try not to be obnoxious in another country” policy and yelled at them to “shut the expletive up!” while glaring at the chaperon nearest me. That bought us exactly 2 minutes of peace. Hi-speed train my ass. Couldn’t get there fast enough at that point. Fortunately, however, there was an intermediate stop before Barcelona and all the little cretins got off there, giving us about an hour to put ourselves back together.

We snagged a cab to our family friend’s apartment, a great joint on a winding backstreet situated north of the middle of the Old City. Promptly passing out, we slept like the dead, waking at about noon the next day.

Said family friend just so happens to be a world-renowned Barcelona city tour guide and expert on all things Barcelonan (? Barcelonian? Barcelon?). She’s the gal they call when Chelsea Clinton and Mel Gibson come to town. She speaks seven languages (including Russian). She owns her own tour company and is asked for by name. In short: she’s good.

As it turns out, Saturday was her day off and she generously volunteered to take us around and both show us things that aren’t on the map and get us into the big touristy places by bypassing the lines using her Super Tour Leader Badge of Power. Not ones to turn down such an opportunity, we began our trek in the Old City, strolling down the sprawling street market of Las Ramblas, basically a tree-lined avenue and former creekbed with a large median studded with stalls and street vendors hawking their wares (mostly pets) and freakishly dedicated street performers scaring the crap out of little tourist kids. We’re talking people dressed up in such a way that they make Kiss and the guys from Gwar look like a bunch of amateurs. And unlike Kiss and Gwar, they all stand still for hours, adding to the suspense. From there, we turned into the ancient open-air market, one so large and robust, it makes the acclaimed one in Valencia look like a cheerleading club’s grocery-store bake sale. The aisles seemed miles long, with every possible variety of food for sale. The egg vendor didn’t just have chicken eggs; there were ostrich, goose, robin, quail, etc. Basically any egg from anything that lays eggs—maybe even platypus—I’m not sure. The fishmonger had an equal variety of bizarre seafood and the spice vendor’s stall was a floor-to-ceiling visual and olfactory kaleidescope. The place also included the reportedly best bar in the city, which was so packed we couldn’t even get close to it. We did, however, get to the butcher stall, where the 11-year-old daughter of our tour guide (and a lovely gal herself), requested—nay, demanded—an 18″ sausage to gnaw on. American kids demand ice cream or lollypops; Spanish kids want meatsicles. It says a lot, doesn’t it? After fighting through the crowds for a little while longer, we decided we’d had enough and snuck on out the back.

Our adventure had made us hungry, so our guide took us to an ancient butcher shop / bar (an odd combination, we know), situated in the street / 1/2 basement level of a Renaissance-era building. The ceiling was lined with row after row of hanging jamon (the cured pork leg) and you could barely see the guy behind the counter through all the sausage that was hanging in front of him. The butcher shop part of the store was maybe 1/3 of the total space, with the remainder dedicated to a small bar, featuring 3 tables, 2 barstools and a floor-to-6′-ceiling, corner-rounding wine cabinet with every conceivable varietal. We enjoyed some small tapas and a couple of drinks until 3pm, when the owner hollered at us to leave, as he was closing the store for the daily 3-hour dominoes tournament he and his aging friends took part in, customers be damned. He then brought us another round of drinks and some more to eat. We were somewhat confused. A little while later, he blinked the lights and said that the next time he was serious, so we packed up and ducked out under the half-closed roller door out front, passing the incoming geriatrics ready to school each other with little white tiles. It was a unique experience not to be found in any tour book. The only unfortunate aspect is that they owners, nearing retirement, couldn’t find anyone to take over the business, so once they quit, the whole thing dies. Kinda made us want to reconsider our career plans. Hell, I could totally run a meat-and-liquor shop that closes for three hours a day!

As the day was waning (as such will happen when you get up at noon), we figured we should use the Super Tour Leader Badge of Power to get us into something other than a backstreet bar (cool as it was). Thus, we made a beeline to the Sagrada Familia, the still-evolving dripping cathedral that is the lingering masterpiece of Antoni Gaudí, and cut past all the loser tourists standing in the ever-increasing rain. Inside, we were given an in-depth tour of the museum in the church basement which discusses the construction process, Gaudí’s life and death—he was hit by a streetcar and left to die in the street because everyone thought he was a bum due to his eccentric and shabby clothing, the result of his living in his studio for years on end, focused on his work—and the model shop where they cast scale models of the custom pieces which are then read by computer and cut from stone. The most awesome part of the whole museum for me was a wire-and-sandbag model of the church Gaudí had built to test the weight and stress of the building on its various joints, that kicks the crap out of any CAD rendering. Unlike your standard architectural model which is basically a small version of the finished building, this was a thin wire skeleton of the church, built upside-down, with small sandbags attached to the joints and scaled in such a way that Gaudí could extrapolate the strength and massive forces with which he was working. To date, all the calculations he made in this way have proven accurate and solid, an amazing feat, considering the times and materials.

Once inside the cathedral, it was a religious experience of an entirely different order. First, to even be inside an under-construction cathedral was just ridiculous, especially when you consider that the last time that happened with any regularity no Europeans even knew America existed. Second, despite the fact that there was no roof, only 2.5 walls and a hint of stained glass, the effect was stunning. You could imagine the finished product, with its array of towering columns in geo-organic forms supporting a ceiling punctuated with little portholes to allow in sunlight, illuminating the space in a subtle glow. And the entire interior adorned with brightly colored mosaic tiles. Basically, you have to go and see it yourself. I can’t do it justice.

Keeping hot on the Gaudí trail, we then hit up the Casa Milá, a turn-of-the-(19th)-century apartment block on the corner of the south end of Las Ramblas and some other side street. This is the one with the undulating façade and seaweed-inspired steel balconies. You’d know it if you saw it. Inside it was an Art Nouveau enthusiast’s wet dream. Everything undulated in colors and textures that mirrored the sea and nature, all swirling around a well-lit central courtyard adorned with tiles that gradiated in color from dark to light blue as you ascended the building. The impression was one of looking either up from the bottom of the sea or down into the deep from above depending on your vantage point. The rooftop terrace continued the undulating seascape experience, with fantastical sandcastle-like chimneys and archways. Up here I discovered the quintessential Gaudí photo op: the Sagrada Familia in the distance viewed through one of said archways with a twisting chimney flute to the side (Idiot tourists, however, refused to cooperate, constantly lingering in the archway or otherwise screwing up my shot. Bastards. This one could have been Pulitzer-prizeworthy. Do they give that for photos? If not, it would have won whatever they do give for it. Anyhow, I’ve got about 5,000 others to cull through and maybe there’s another one worthy in there…we’ll see.). Just below the roof, inside the attic level of Casa Milá, one felt like Jonah, striding among parabolic arches and recesses of dimly-illuminated reddish-pink brick resembling the the cavernous ribs in the belly of the whale. There were also a variety of well-conceived video presentations highlighting Gaudí, his work and the times he was creating, along with small scale models of the entire building. Overall, it was well done, very interesting and beautiful, especially when viewed in context of the other stale architecuture surrounding it.

Finishing up our Gaudí trip, we swam across the street and into a couple of gigantic beers with some olives and croquetes before getting on the metro back to the apartment. Our vigilant tour guide had to leave us at the door of the Casa Mila, as she was exhausted. This didn’t seem like a big deal at the time, until we boarded the metro and realized we had no idea what stop we needed to get off at. Picking one that seemed right, we exited the tunnel and, realizing that nothing looked familiar, went directly to a pay phone (for the first time in 15 years) and called for help. After our gracious host recovered from her explosive laughter at our huge whiff, she set us on the right path and we finally joined her for dinner with some neighbors about an hour and a half late. Oh well. At least the train was nice and clean.

So that concludes day one of the Barcelona Brouhaha. As we had a full two-day weekend there, and our tour mommy had to work on Sunday, we struck out on our own, yielding a string of tales that require another post. I’ve already exceeded the legal character limit on this one.

-bdmc

This one’s a little late in coming, mostly because I was busy writing my magnum opus about the Iberian Invasion (which, according to Pete’s count, is 7,456 words long…move over Tolstoy), studying for my surprise third and final exam and looking for jobs while halfway around the world. No matter; we’ll try and make it interesting.

Last weekend we took the train down to Sevilla, Spain’s fourth largest city and, historically, a key economic, cultural and artistic hub for the country and Europe as a whole. Located on the Guadalquivir river, it is a major oceanic port, despite being fairly far inland and has a rich maritime legacy, including being the departure point for both Columbus and Amerigo Vespucci. Not bad, eh?

We arrived late on Friday night, checked in, and passed out, rising about 12 on Saturday morning. After skimming the guidebooks, we realized that basically everything worth seeing closed between 2 and 7 pm, so we streaked out of there and made a bee-line for the Torre de Oro (Tower of Gold), a turret of the Moorish curtain wall that formerly surrounded the city, as it was the first thing to close. As part of the Moorish defenses of the city, the Torre worked in concert with an identical tower situated directly across the river, between which was strung a heavy chain that could be raised out of the river to prevent enemy ships from sailing past that point. After the Reconquista, the Torre was used variously as a prison, watchtower, and ultimately as a repository for all the plunder of the New World—hence the name. It’s design is unique among Moorish construction as it is a dodecagon (or a 12-sided polygon…I just wanted to say “dodecagon” because it sounds intelligent and pompous), and this indicated its importance in the overall scheme of Sevillano city defenses: each tower that was successively closer to the river had more sides; 12 is the max. We learned all these interesting facts from the audio tour, which, in a desperate attempt to extend the interest of the tower tour (once you get to the top, it’s about 5 minutes of interesting views, and that’s about it…), presented the facts in an anecdotal format, complete with characters pretending to be Moorish kings and queens, American tourists and a British guy who fell in love with a girl he met one night outside the tower:
“Theah she was, a beautiful shadow cast upon the golden aura of the Torre. A piece of papah fell out of her portfolio and floated to the ground. I bent down to retrieve it and upon rising, was captivated by her beauty. It was then she began to tell me all about the majesty of the tower and its history.”
“A triumph of engineering, the Tower is 20 metres tall…”

A little ridiculous and over the top, but you gotta give them credit for trying.

After another Long Leisurely Lunch, which ended about 3pm, we hit the maaaaasssssiiiivvvveeee cathedral, which, although advertised to be open till 5pm, actually decided to close at 4, giving us about 30 minutes to streak up the bell tower and do a sprint circuit around the interior. Overall, it was pretty impressive, as it’s the largest Catholic cathedral in the world, with the largest altar and the longest nave in Spain. According to the guidebook, it was built over the site of the old mosque, its sponsors hoping to build “a cathedral so large that all those who look on it will think us mad.” The interior was lavishly decorated (a lot of gold) and the tomb of Columbus is in one niche (though its veracity is in question as he’s supposedly buried in about 5 different places). The bell tower, a former Moorish minaret (as was the bell tower of the Valencia cathedral), is named Giralda, or weathervane, in tribute to the huge statue of Faith at the top holding a sail to indicate wind direction, and is visible across the entire city.

We then took in the Real Alcazar, yet another royal palace, which was formerly a Moorish palace / fortress. It was a huge complex, complete with gardens and interesting geometric spaces, with construction spanning nearly all of the post-Roman history of Spain. After the Reconquista, it was expanded and converted for regal Christian use, though the building still retains a surprising amount of Moorish / Islamic content, beyond tiling and horseshoe arches to actual Islamic inscriptions, which seemed odd, given the Christian kings’ ferocity in destroying all things Moorish. The only clear Spanish changes were the addition of the symbols of the castle and the lion to the various patterns where Moorish symbols once were. We wandered among the corridors for about 3 hours, taking a ton of photos (very few with people in them, cause let’s face it, archaic architecture is SEXY and people just ruin it), and found a cool exhibit on Islamic calligraphy in one of the other buildings of the complex.

As we left the Alcazar to stroll the back streets, we stumbled upon a little cultural center holding flamenco performances that night and bought the last two tickets. Oddly enough, this was the same place in which my folks had seen a performance almost exactly a year earlier, and the male flamenco dancer at the show was the same one that we saw perform in Columbus when we went with Al’s mom back in March. Ain’t it weird how everything comes together? The show was really cool; a little more interpretive than classic flamenco, but of outstanding quality. It started with the singer and guitarist getting everyone warmed up, then the girl danced, then a guitar interlude, followed by the male dancer, then a duet, capped off by a sing-a-long. It all took place in this small inner courtyard (it held maybe 100 people in chairs surrounding an 8×8 platform) lit by candlelight and featuring a wall covered in a rose thicket that grew downwards from the top. It was hot.

That night at about 3 in the morning, a trio of retardedly drunk Tuna players—a band of Spanish university students playing traditional songs on guitars, lutes and tambourines—went stumbling down the narrow alley outside our hotel window, singing and playing with remarkable skill and clarity considering their state. Al was rousted by their serenade, convinced they were swooning her and complaining that I never do anything romantic. I figured it wasn’t the time to defend myself and rolled over and went back to sleep. In retrospect, it was almost too cliché, but given that the guys were just playing for themselves and not for tourists, the event somehow maintained its distinct romanticism. Ahhh, Sevilla. (They were NOT playing for themselves, they were serenading me! -Al)

Sunday morning, we rose late and barely made it to the museum before it closed. Though not stellar, it did have a nice Byzantine / Early Christian collection and a ton of Murillos, to the point that it seemed that some anonymous donor threw the Murillos at the city and they scrambled to put a museum together around them. But art is art and we enjoyed ourselves. After lunch, we decided we needed to relax, so we hopped a tourist boat going up and down the Guadalquivir, which was scenic and calming. Ya know, cause we were so…uh…harried from doing nothing. After disembarking, we strolled the riverside and chatted it up for a couple hours (nothing like doing nothing next to a body of water) before getting some dinner at the little bodega near the hotel where we served by a very animated waiter who spent the majority of his time at our table making fun of me, much to Al’s glee. Oh, and he started getting us into Sherry, which is more or less Spain’s version of Port. We’ll be getting into more of it when we get back and get jobs to fund our explorations. Keep you posted.

After dinner (and its requisite bottle of wine) we decided it would be a good idea to go to the Plaza de España (it was about midnight, mind you, and we had no idea where said plaza was), site of the 1929 Ibero-American Fair. There was a grand brick and tile exposition pavilion featuring traditionally tiled benches showcasing all the major cities and regions of Spain. Even in the dark with the minimal security lighting it was impressive, and since we were the only ones there it was quiet and peaceful and we felt like it was ours. I of course ruined that feeling when, the next morning, I went back over to get some photos of it in daylight. Idiot.

Monday morning traffic barely allowed us to catch our train back, but we did finally make it and all was well. And they were playing the Stones over the loudspeaker in the train, which immediately calmed my rage.

This weekend, we’re heading to Barcelona, staying with a family friend. More posts to follow.

-bdmc

The final chapter. If we could make the type yellow and read at an angle so that it appeared to vanish into deep space, we would. But we can’t, so use your imagination…

Despite all the train shenanigans, we arrived in Madrid the next morning, pulled ourselves together and got everyone back to the hotels before Al and I headed off to class. That’s right: despite getting only 4 hours of sleep and having to endure a head-splitting exchange of ignorance, we still had the fortitude to get our money’s worth from the escuela. I hate us sometimes.

After class, we met up with everyone and did a survey of the west end of town, intending to go to the royal palace, but because there was yet another city-wide fiesta of some sort, it was closed. No biggie, as we were able to stroll around the gardens and hit Plaza de España, home of the Cervantes monument, complete with the big bronze statues of Donnie Q and Sancho. Obligatory photos taken and posted.

At the end of the day, we returned to check on Poor Friend Jenny—who, though markedly improved, wasn’t up for going out. Additionally, by this time we also figured out that aforementioned city-wide fiesta was still the Festival of San Isidro, and there was going to be a big fireworks display in the park that night. Seizing this opportunity, we hit up the market and grabbed a bunch of Mediterranean picnic supplies (olives, wine, bread, cheese and a variety of cookies and chips—come on, we’ve been here for a while, but we’re still Americans), snagged a blanket and set off to have an awesome sunset picnic with fireworks set to classical music on a quaint little knoll in the middle of the park. It was on the order of the 4th of July fireworks on the Mall we did every year as a kid. Good times.

The next day, Al had a test in class, so we couldn’t skip (well, I could have, but got guilt tripped into going). Afterwards, we met up with everybody at the Reina Sofia Museum, the modern art gallery which, in concert with the Prado and Thyssen Bournemiza, forms the trifecta of Madrileño museums. After “appreciating the sh!t out of some art” as Pete put it, we then waited around for Dear and Beloved Friend Adi, whose watch was still on Portuguese time, making her a full hour late for our predetermined rendezvous. Like I said, this trip had a very distinct theme. From Reina Sofia, we went up north to tour the Bernabéu Stadium, the aforementioned Ohio State practice field, er, I mean, home of Real Madrid, the team that invented God. By now starving, we set off on our regular Friday night circuit, including the tapas bar where you get a full plate of food with every tiny beer you order, a slightly classier wine bar, and finally the old timers restaurant / bar where we know two of the bartenders, and they take really good care of us every time we visit. Due to a miscommunication at the tapas bar, we ended up with 12 cañas of beer at once, rather than the six we needed, resulting in a smorgasbord of food and cerveza, but since O and Paddy were there, it ended up not being a problem at all. It was a divide and conquer scheme: Paddy on beer, O on food, Poor Friend Jenny on plates. Go team.

Saturday, we rose early to get everybody to the school bus that was taking us to El Escorial, where we had gone earlier, but the guys wanted to see as well. During roll call, my former teacher (the Brack Peet one) was having a little trouble pronouncing the American names and called out “Pee-ter? Pay-ter? Wheesh wun ees correcto?”

“Pay-ter”.

Of course.

Well, it was either that or, “Me llamo Mike.”

The trip was great, and though the subject matter was a tad heavy (despite the alliteration, Franco is not fun), it seemed like everyone enjoyed themselves, so we’ll consider the day a success. Upon returning, we all passed out in Paddy and Dear and Beloved Friend Adi’s hotel room (except for Al and O, who went running), and Pete, who sat quietly in a corner and drank for two hours while the rest of us slept. Let’s hear it for dedication, people! After everyone rose / got back / puked and rallied, we went out for dinner at another, slightly more upscale tapas place, then did some bar hopping, ending up at an Irish bar.

Of course.

Sunday morning was the beginning of the Exodus, as Paddy, Peter and Poor Friend Jenny left early. Dear and Beloved Friend Adi’s flight wasn’t till later, so we hung out for a bit, grabbed some lunch and then escorted her up to the airport terminal, mostly to help her carry the awkwardly large and ghetto-fabulous plastic bag full of paintings she had acquired in Lisbon. The jerry-rigging was phenomenal.

After dropping Adi off, O (whose flight wasn’t till the next day), Al and I stopped by the stadium to see if there were any tickets left (there were) and then to procure the necessary fan regalia (at obscenely over-inflated prices). Upon arriving home, we got a text message from Adi saying they had canceled her flight and she couldn’t get out till the next day and she was coming back to the apartment. This ended up being awesome, because it extended the fun yet another night. Granted, that night meant that there were 4 people sleeping in a room barely big enough for 2, taking us to truly tenement levels, but oh so cozy!

At any rate, they left the next morning as we went to class, and we cried all they way to, thru, and home from class. It was truly a once-in-a-lifetime gathering, and, as Pete put it in a follow up email: “[it] Confirm[ed] that we are indeed all best friends by spending 10 days with each other with almost zero sniping (I got cranky about tardiness on Friday…my bad).” We’ve come a long way from the Outer Banks beach week beach house…

And so concludes the Iberian Invasion by Tall, White Americans. We hope you enjoyed this adventure; we sure enjoyed embellishing otherwise boring events. Tune in next time as our heroes set off on new and exciting exploits, taking on towns such as Sevilla, Barcelona, Granada and Córdoba!

Editor’s Note: Though neither government has issued any official statements on the matter, we’re fairly certain that none of us will ever be allowed back on an overnight train from Lisbon to Madrid, nor anywhere near Santiago Bernabéu Stadium (that last one isn’t really that big of a deal).

-bdmc

The continuing saga of the train ride to Lisbon and the shenanigans that ensued.

So let’s recap: we’ve taken Lisbon for all she had to offer, are completely satisfied with our experience and are now at the station waiting for our train while figuring out how to get our various doctor friends to throw their soon-to-be-abundant cash into the kitty to pay for an apartment block that, given their ridiculously busy schedules, they’ll never be able to visit but we’ll appreciate in their stead, and that Peter can decorate with Stars and Stripes tile patterns. Cause that’s his idea of “blending in”. Oh yeah, and Poor Friend Jenny is on the floor of the dirty-ass train station bathroom making long distance calls on the porcelain receiver.

Trainside, we’re greeted by the same lovely Portuguese hottie that checked us in back in Madrid. Because of our unexpectedly good behavior on the train over, she remembered us, saying “Ahh! The family is back! Have a good trip?” complete with big smiles. We were SO in. We got Poor Friend Jenny tucked in and then, as before, headed to the bar car. Cause, really…what else do you do on an 8-hour train ride?

In the bar car, seats are randomly occupied, so some of our group congregates at one end, while Paddy, Big O and I take three contiguous stools between a tall, very cute brunette (so I’m told by the predators in our group; I only have eyes for Al…pause for collective groan) and a very-low-talking-but-seemingly-American-
but-we’re-not-sure-because-we-can’t-hear-what-they’re-saying-and-we’ve-figured-
out-that-German-tourists-tend-to-look-American-and-we-don’t-want-to-be-wrong couple. As the single gents are marveling in their good fortune, Brunette starts chatting O up about what we’re doing here, where we’re from, etc. O replies with our circumstances, adding that they’re all here visiting Al and I, and we’re here learning to speak Spanish. Brunette is intrigued, asking me “Do you speak Spanish?” I shrug and reply “un poco”, which prompted O to ask what I really DID say when people asked me if I spoke Spanish, which is a logical and appropriate question. This drove Brunette to question O, “Why would anyone ask him if he spoke Spanish?”

I swear to Real Madrid / God that the train actually lurched to a stop for a minute at that one.

O recovered first, sputtering, “but you…you just…just…didn’t you just…?” “Yeah, like, but why would anyone ask him if he spoke Spanish?” countered Brunette. A sly one, this fox. I immediately excused myself, drifting over to a recently vacated stool next to Al and the rest of the gang.

And none too soon. The conversation continued to degrade, her vacuous, Valley Girl voice filling the cabin with “uh hUHs”, “likes” and “oh my GODs”. Our end of the bar could barely hold it together. Shortly thereafter O popped up from his wingman post with “Weeeellll, I’m going to go check on Poor Friend Jenny” which really only involved him getting up, turning around, opening the door of the bar car, pausing, coming back in and sitting down at the other end of the bar with the rest of us, which meant that Paddy was now left alone with this intriguing 5′11″ stack of…interest…

Judging from his continuing line of questions and replies to her fractured logic, combined with his distinct lack of a “somebody freakin’ rescue me please” look (which could have been the result of the steady stream of beers he was quaffing for survival), we figured he was doing fine and returned to faking like we were minding our own business. All the while, however, we kept an ear open to hear such gems as:
Brunette: “You want some chocolate? It’s from Belgium. It’s got lots of antioxidants.”
Paddy: “Oh yeah? Now what exactly are antioxidants?” (this was not at all a patronizing question; the girl had just said she was in med school, and Paddy figured she could shed some light on the topic)
B: “I uh…I’m not…I don’t know what antioxidants do. I think…I think they’re in chocolate and red wine has a lot, too. I should know this. If I had my computer…. Oh, I shouldn’t say things I don’t know the answers to…”

How very true.

Though the beer is nearly coming out our noses, Al and Dear and Beloved Friend Adi, remained ever vigilant, keeping a steady eye out for signals and debating as to whether or not Paddy needed rescued:
“Should we save him?”
“I dunno, he seems like he WANTS to be there; I haven’t seen any signs or indications…”
“Like what? Him trying to throw himself out the window?”

It was at this point that Big O decided that the only way to extricate one’s self from such a situation was to light one’s self on fire, and since Paddy wasn’t doing that, we figured we should use his pocket video camera to document the carnage. Super-spy Al obtained some Oscar-worthy footage by filming the reflection in the window, complete with sound. It’s stellar. It’s like watching a plumber at work on his knees under your kitchen sink. You know you shouldn’t look, but you can’t turn away.

The conversation continued for a while longer, until a comment about bad beer prompted Paddy to comment, “see, now that’s why people don’t like Americans” (I think the context was something about the big American beers not having any flavor or something like that; either way, that’s not the important part, what follows is). All the sudden out of nowhere, formerly Quiet Talking Couple at the other end of the bar erupted into “What’d you say ’bout ‘Mericans?” in a Southern accent as thick as deep-fried breaded bacon rind dipped in a mayonnaise and butter reduction. This got Paddy dragged into a debate about the merits of American beer; how the US is better than, well, everyone; how Formerly Quiet Guy’s wife can’t eat any of the food in Spain and they just wished there were a freakin’ Applebees somewhere; and other assorted tourist faux pas. Exactly which ones, I’m not really sure, as we weren’t paying full attention due to the fact that we were frantically searching for the emergency exits while trying to quiet Pete who was lobbing conversational Molotov cocktails like, “No, no, no…we like Americans. Hell, WE’RE Americans! We just don’t like Southerners!”. Luckily, Paddy was able to use his charms to placate the dude, just before we were about to pull the “In Case of Emergency Only” lever.

It was about this time (1:30a, maybe) that a rather large gentleman rolled into the bar. It was clear from his rotundity that he was American, and Formerly Quiet Southern Guy—who’s still occasionally trying to restart the battle with Paddy—catches on that he’s American too and tries to get him on his conservative Amero-centric bandwagon. Surprisingly, Gordito was a bleeder from Oregon and the two of them begin going back and forth about politics and Europe versus America and all other sorts of topics that you don’t talk about at the dinner table with family, let alone in the bar car of an overnight train with strangers. This now means that Paddy is caught in betwixt all this madness, with Brunette prattling on about how she “can’t eat poppy seed muffins because the little black things get stuck in her teeth” in one ear and a Bush / Obama / Hillary battle raging in the other. The rest of us, still sputtering over previous comments and trying not to laugh outright over current ones, saw the fuse to the powder keg burning low, and excused ourselves, leaving Paddy, Brunette and the trio of pundits to solve all the world’s problems.

Though we normally subscribe to the Navy SEAL credo of “Leave No Man Behind”, in this case, we couldn’t help ourselves as self preservation took precedence.

About an hour later, Al was in the hallway, coming back from the bathroom and saw Paddy wandering around in a dazed stupor, looking for his cabin….

Will Paddy find his cabin and recover from his intellectual beat down? Will Poor Friend Jenny ever get out of the bathroom? Will our heroes do anything else in Madrid besides get drunk together (again)? Find out with the next and final installment of this thrilling saga!

-bdmc

Continuing from the last post…and we’ve uploaded pix

So, the aforementioned Lisbon Lounge Hostel (awesomest place ever!) is on a quaint little pedestrian side street not too far from the main square, and is flanked by great cafés with plenty of outdoor seating. Since we had a few hours until we could check in, we took advantage of one of these and had L³ #2 (though at 9a really makes it more of a breakfast), which was most satisfying. And since it was Lisbon, dirt freakin’ cheap. Can’t beat that.

Upon departing the restaurant, we were immediately confronted by a grizzled, yet somehow seemingly well-kempt gentleman in a suit who growled in a Cheech-like voice “hasheeeesh? Mareeewannaaa?” while holding what looked to be dog crap wrapped in tin foil close to his waist. He then reminded us that, “eets leegal een Portugal…” Oh, well, if that’s the case, I’ll take a kilo! Chowderhead. Side note: we continued running into this same guy, with the same routine, throughout our stay, sometimes multiple times a day and within minutes of just having passed him (we made a lot of wrong turns). We figured that since he kept holding the merchandise below his waist, it must be legal to partake, so long as you keep it below the waistline. None of us being flexible enough to make that work, we politely declined. Admired his tenacity though. Overcoming our contact highs, we strolled around the streets, stopping to admire the great Praça do Comércio (Commercial Square), a major architectural element of the “new” city. “New” is a relative term, especially because most of the “new” city was built in the mid-1700s following a huge earthquake, tsunami and fire that nearly consumed Lisbon entirely (they really went for the trifecta there). We then headed to the “old” city, which is truly old (like Phoenician and Roman old), and hiked to the top of the fortress there, which provided amazing views of the city. It was here that we were reminded just how paranoid Americans are of being sued: unlike American archaeological sites, which—if they allow you inside at all—are protected and reinforced with guard rails, chains, ADA-compliant ramps, etc., this ancient castle offered the opportunity to scale 20′ high towers using only worn, slick, 900-year-old steps set at a ridiculously steep angle, with no handrail or other restraining elements. Needless to say, we climbed every single one of them.

Upon descending from the hill, the dynamic duo of Al and Dear and Beloved Friend Adi strove—successfully—to find a restaurant for lunch, searching for the one that was highly recommended in the guidebook. A challenge for sure, as the streets in Lisbon are as tangled as a hippie’s dreadlocks and about as impassible, with names changing every doorway or so and small open spaces that you wouldn’t think would count as a new street being designated as such. Given a solid team effort, however, we found the winding side street, and upon ascending the route, were pleasantly surprised to see it open up to a small courtyard with four or five tables set up in it, with the restaurant on the side. It was picturesque. Hemos comido bien.

Three hours later—with bulging stomachs—we started heading back to the hostel, only to be sidetracked by a plaza with a cool looking church, next to which was a great little hand-crafted ceramics store where we procured a few charming, though very fragile, physical reminders of our experience. We then wound our way back to the hostel, basking in the ever-improving weather and taking in the sights along the route, especially noting all the different tile patterns that adorn the exterior walls of nearly every building in the city. Each facade is a unique, intricate pattern, and the juxtaposition of these patterns from one building to the next is a feast for the eyes. The sidewalks, too, are a mesmerizing tapestry of black and white patterns, with each block and square having a unique and complex design. We could only imagine the bricklayer’s response to the work order: “You want me to do WHAT?”

After a nap, we hit up a great restaurant not too far from the hostel and, like all our other dining experiences, had a great time. Since Portugal, and Lisbon especially, relies heavily on tourism for sustenance, the service everywhere was exquisite, and from our perspective, genuinely friendly, especially if you tried to use some Portuguese (even though everyone spoke English or Spanish). In anticipation of our journey, we strove to break the ignorant American stereotype and picked up the essentials: falla inglés? (do you speak English?); obrigado (thank you); desculpe (I’m sorry) and mammas (boobs). Cause ya never know. And it’s funny. In a gross kind of way.

Tuesday morning broke with gorgeous weather, so we figured a trip to the nearby Cascais beach was in order. Unfortunately, getting 7 people to move with any sort of vitesse proved to be a bit of a problem, which became clearly evident an hour and a half later when we were still sitting at an outdoor café precisely 15 feet from the door of the hostel. By then, the weather had cooled significantly and clouded up, so we abandoned the idea of actually swimming, but figured we’d check out the beach anyway. Oh, and Paddy and I ordered beers, but since our comprehension of the metric system is a bit faulty, we ended up with a full on LITER of beer each (I don’t want a large Farva! I want a goddamn literacola!). Quaffage time further set us back from our plan. Oh well. Numb is fun.

After a 30-minute walk to the intercity train station and a harrowing purchasing of tickets with the unsolicited and very pushy assistance of some local gypsies, we finally made it to the beach town of Cascais, about 45 minutes from Lisbon proper. The town was a quaint fishing village with several inlets and small beaches bordered by soaring cliffs, the bays cluttered with anchored fishing boats. It really didn’t get more romantic than that. But since we couldn’t actually go in the water (it was freakin’ cold, in both Celsius and Fahrenheit) we decided to go to a cliffside bar and admire the view. It was at this juncture that we came to the realization that as we get older and continue getting together as a crew, we really only end up looking for more and more expensive places to drink together. Eh, could be worse.

Returning home, we regrouped and hit up the hip end of town, dining in a great Argentinian steak house and stopping by a bar afterwards. There was, uh, good conversation…

Wednesday was more schlepping around, hitting the sites and stores we missed the previous days. We took a ride in the Santa Justa Elevator, which links the lower part of Santa Justa Street to Carmo Plaza, found atop a hill apparently too steep to access any other way. It’s basically an Eiffel-Tower-esque structure with two 20-person cars that take you up and down with a café on the roof. Great views. At the top of the hill, adjacent to said plaza, is the Carmo Convent, basically a Gothic cathedral that has been partially rebuilt following its collapse during the aforementioned earthquake. Partially basically means that it has no roof, only the stone ribbing that would support it and is about as Romantic / “ruins of a former empire” flavor as you can get. It was an awesome experience to explore the grounds and the adjoining museum, as we were standing in grass where the floor of a mighty cathedral once stood. Just check out the pix because the description won’t do.

Another L³ followed, though this one ended up with unforeseen negative consequences as poor friend Jenny ended up getting food poisoning, which we didn’t realize until much later, about an hour before we boarded the night train to head home. Most unfortunate. She handled it like a trooper, though, despite the adverse situation and locations in which she had to…uh…pretend she was a post-fiesta college student again. But since we didn’t know she was contracting bowel death at the time, lunch was great!

Post-lunch we continued exploring, basically whiling away the hours before our train left at 10p. We hit a bunch of Port stores (in accordance with our abundant whiteness, we’re now officially into Port, having attended several tastings and even buying a few bottles ourselves) and other souvenir shops and I think a bar or two. No, wait, definitely a bar, because that’s where Jenny realized she shouldn’t have had the omelet and like the rest of us, gone with the waiter’s recommendations. Yup. Definitely at the last bar. That was unfortunate.

Anyway, it’s at this juncture that we must again pause, as the final segment of our adventure (the train back) requires its own post. Quite an adventure.

So, overall, you could definitely say that we freakin’ loved Lisbon. The city has a great Old-World charm about it, with an intriguing—though never pathetic—sense of being the functioning ruins of a crumbled empire. Monuments to former glory are everywhere and the kind of suspended decay of the buildings, combined with the plethora of trams make you feel like you’re in some sort of ridiculously authentic European historical theme park. The civic and national pride is evident and the people are warm and friendly, especially when trying to sell you weed. The architecture and visual textures are so diverse and interesting that you could live there forever and never see the same pattern twice. We all mentioned numerous times how fun and easy (and again, so freakin’ cheap!!) it would be to buy an old building downtown and rehab it and have it be our official gang hangout for summer trips and such. We figure if we get our various doctor friends to chip in, the dozen or so of us could totally pull it off. We’d be great Lisbians. Or Lisboners? Not sure what you call ‘em, but both are pretty funny. God, I’m so 13…

Will our heroes make it back to Madrid on time and in one piece? Will the night train pass without incident? Will our valiant travelers get their passports back at the end of the trip? Is there enough beer on the train? Find out with the next installment!

-bdmc

Apologies for the long pause in posts; we know you’re crushed. As previously mentioned, a horde of our very tall, very white and very close friends descended on us last weekend and since then, we’ve been putting the Iberian peninsula through its paces. And it has been tremendous, yielding a veritable tome of mostly humorous anecdotes, some of which are recorded below for your imaginative pleasure.

The Iberian Interlude began last Saturday when we collected our chums at the airport at the buttcrack of dawn (an obscene part of the day which Al and I haven’t seen in nearly 2.5 months; it was sheer horror, especially with the 2 hours of sleep we managed to achieve between onslaughts of Swedish party outbreaks). After schlepping around and into hotels thru the rainy downpour—which, of course, started immediately after our friends arrived, continuing until immediately after their departure—we took some time to collect ourselves before enjoying our first of many Long Leisurely Lunches (L³’s from now on), after which we did a quick survey of the Prado. It was during this time we established the theme for our trip: “Waiting for Our Dear and Beloved Friend Adi Who Somehow Without Intending or by Virtue of Unforeseen Third-Party Actions is Curiously Late on a Number of Occasions”, or more succinctly, “W”Ad”ing”. It was always funny, however, and she knows we were just kidding…we hope.

Jet lag claimed two victims that night, while the rest of us went to get the other half of the group checked in to their hotel and catch up while we waited for our other friend—who had arrived earlier in the week and immediately went to Barcelona to meet an old roommate—to return (grammatic simplicity be damned!). Their room was cozy and well designed, though the door to the bathroom was clear glass. Made for interesting deposits.

Sunday morn found us at El Rastro, one of the largest flea markets in Europe, where you can find pretty much anything you could ever not need, with the exception of your wallet, which was probably ganked three stalls back by one of the sly and nefarious pick-pockets who frequent the area. We emerged unscathed, however, and came away with a cool etching of a toreador toying with a bull that will adorn some wall in our as-yet-undiscovered Chi-town apartment. Plaza Mayor was next on our list, where we got to see some of the San Isidro shenanigans, as last week was the festival in his honor as the patron saint of Madrid. It was after this that we ended up at the aforementioned cerveceria from which we were dishonorably ejected (again, for no apparent reason…still steamed over that one).

Following our dismissal, we headed home to pack, then journeyed to the train station to catch our night train to Lisbon. Due to an overestimation on my part of the amount of time it would take to get on said train (imagining it would be similar to the ridiculous rituals at airports), we arrived at the train station about 2.5 hours early (it says on the tickets you just need to be on the train 2 minutes before departure…must have missed that). Fortunately this gave us plenty of time to eat and drink at the terminal cafe (which, by the way, kicks the soy byproduct right out of the fried patties available at American transportation hubs: I got a real pork tenderloin feast with salad, bread and an icy cold beer and Al got half a roast chicken meal for about €14 total, which, even with the exchange rate, is fan-freakin’-tastic) before boarding. Despite our early arrival, however, we found ourselves experiencing Data Point Two in support of the blog title as Dear and Beloved Friend Adi suddenly felt the urge to go, necessitating a trip to the other end of the terminal that took so long that we barely made it on the train. Again, it was funny the whole time, right Ad?

The night train was great, and due to the graciousness of another pair of travelers, we were able to get everyone into two neighboring cabins, which, in the near future, would greatly facilitate our finding our bunks after stumbling back from the bar car several hours later. Needless to say, we spent most of our time in said bar car, becoming fast friends with the bartender, who, in his graciousness, allowed us to remain in the car as long as we wanted following its closing at 2a. Which, of course, we did. Till about 4a, I think…. Arrival at 8a sucked.

Post-arrival, and after a good looooong pee, we strolled the winding streets of Lisbon to find The Lisbon Lounge, quite possibly the hippest, cleanest, coolest, least Eli Roth-est hostel in the entire world. It alone demands a trip to Lisbon. We snagged a huge 8-person room for 3 nights for what amounted to $65/person TOTAL, including the fact that we bought out an extra bed to ensure that we got the whole room to ourselves (our American love of personal space knows no fiscal limit).

What ensued will be covered in another post, as this one is already ridiculously long, and although WordPress space is free, there’s no need to be gluttonous.

Will our heroes have a good time? Will they fully explore the cultural opportunities afforded by the city? Or will they just end up getting drunk together again like they always do? Tune in next time and find out!

-bdmc

Our good friends have been arriving this week one by one and as of 9:30 yesterday morning, the American takeover of Madrid is complete! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Actually, it’ll have to start for real in a few days after they all get over the jet lag. And we’ll be in Lisbon, Portugal until Thursday, so the actual takeover will probably have to wait until we get back to Madrid. And since we’re taking an overnight train back and will be arriving in Madrid around 8:30am on Thursday, we’ll probably be pretty tired so we won’t really get started until Friday. The American takeover of Madrid is coming this Friday!!!

Anyway, we’re so excited to have our friends here and we’re taking off for Portugal tonight, so we probably won’t be posting until we get back.

By the way - Happy Mother’s Day to our wonderful mothers and Happy Birthday to my awesome dad!

-cuptastic

As our time here is winding to a close, we have taken great pains to maximize our our remaining weeks to ensure that we get to see as much of the ridiculously and intriguingly varied Iberian peninsula as is possible under our time and budget constraints (I say again: Damn exchange rate!!). We’ve already covered the greatest hits of the central plains, including Madrid, Segovia, Toledo, and El Escorial. We hit the north side (San Sebastián) and the central east coast (Valencia). That leaves the south, the west coast and Barcelona, all of which we’ve made plans (as in booked trains and hotels) to visit.

Just so our mommies can keep track of us, here’s the remainder of the weekend plans:
A horde of our inordinately large (as in height, not necessarily weight) friends are coming this weekend, and we’re taking the night train (sans James Brown) to Lisbon, Portugal, for 3 days, which checks the west coast off our list, and after that we’re going to Sevilla, then Barcelona and wrapping up our final weekend in Granada / Cordoba before returning to Madrid and flying back to Chi-town. Should be a good time. Those four destinations pretty much ensure that we’ve seen all that Spain has to offer (at least in a cursory sense), with the exception of the north west, which we’ll just have to hit on a return trip.

The Lisbon trip promises to be fun, though I’m interested in how Spain and Portugal are going to react to a group of seven 6-foot-plus whiter-than-white kids roving their narrow streets (we’ll probably have to walk single-file and sideways to avoid getting wedged…). They’ll probably think we’re Dutch.

Here’s to not getting deported.

-bdmc

P.S.: Anyone know any useful Portuguese? Like, “I’m sorry I just offended everything you stand for. I didn’t mean it. America does rule, though…you know that, right?”

I love Spanish ordinal numbers…

Driven by exorbitant train fares to—and a lack of available hotel rooms in—Sevilla this weekend, we made a last-minute decision to go to San Sebastián (Donostia), a small seaside resort town in the northeast of Spain, in the heart of Basque Country, instead (Donostia is the Basque name for it).

And to augment Cupalicious’ previous post: man, were we pleased with our impulsiveness.

View of the main beach from the northeastern hill.

Arriving around noon, we checked into our small but cozy, clean and cheap hotel room (which had great service, by the way, along with an exposed original stone wall in the room—cool) and set out to get some of the acclaimed Basque cuisine we’d been hearing so much about (the Basques are pretty fierce in all their cultural exploits: linguistic (Basque), political (ETA), culinary…they have ancient, secret and competitive gastronomic clubs where the all male members get together and cook up some wicked good super-hors-d’ouvres known as “pinchos”). We wandered around the maze-like warren of narrow streets of the old city before stumbling into their Plaza Mayor and finding a cafe with seats in the sun. Though we ordered what we thought was going to be sufficient to assuage our growling hunger, the small kebab of 8 pieces of grilled veal, the single croquette and plate of 5 fried calamari rings—though delicious—failed to fill us up. Especially after I accidentally dropped two of my 8 nibbles of veal on the ground while trying to de-skewer them. Oh well, the flavor of what remained was satisfying, the ambiance was nice and after a pair of cañas, I didn’t care. We ended up filing the void with a healthy helping of ice cream, which made it all better.

Note to Bruce: ice cream shops for miles. MILES! One right after another, and all with really good ice cream and supersized portions! Like these “smalls”…

We then took advantage of the 85°F sun-drenched day and went to the beach. The water was ice cold, but the sand was perfect, so we conked out there for a couple hours, subjecting the unsuspecting fellow beach goers to our shockingly white, Midwestern-winterized torsos. No complaints from us though, other than the fact that obscenely large northern / eastern European women should avoid the compulsion to bask topless. Good. God. Why are the boobs you don’t want to see always on display while those you wouldn’t mind gawking at are kept under lock and key?

Dinnertime found us in a great little tavern with the third-best steaks we’ve ever had, along with more ice cream and a nocturnal stroll on the pedestrian trail running along the seawall, crashing waves and all. Not a bad day all around.

Sunday was markedly colder and cloudy, which was fine, as we wanted to do some hiking around the hills of the city, which would have been brutal the day before. We ascended the eastern hill that borders the scallop-shaped bay, and explored the ancient fort and chapel at the summit. There was a great little museum inside the fortress with interactive films and exhibits documenting the history of the town, including a small 30-seat 1920’s style movie theater showing classic film of the city from the old days (the place has been a summer retreat for the well-to-do since Queen Cristina set up a summer home in the late 1800s, making the place a posh resort). That chewed up most of the day, and the remainder before dinner was spent strolling about, taking in the scenery. The second-best steaks we’ve ever had were consumed later that evening, topping off a very relaxing weekend.

So, long story short, and to echo Al’s thoughts: next time you’re in Spain, go to San Sebastián. It’s got everything: beach, forested hills, great food, ruins, cultural activities (theater, opera, holidays, etc) and ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream. It’s the type of place we could take our dads and they could adequately occupy themselves while we sat on the beach with our moms wasting the whole damn day drinking and talking.

Pix on flickr.

-bdmc

San Sebastian was just gorgeous. Go there. Now. Or if you want to wait until 2045, we’ll have our summer retirement home there and you can stay with us.

We stayed in a great little hotel in the old part of the city that was very close to the beach. The food was fantastic, the people were friendly and the city is beautiful. I am absolutely in love with San Sebastian. MC is in the midst of writing a post, so I’ll let him give more details, but I just had to shout my love from the rooftops for a few moments…

-cuptastic

This past weekend was spent in the relaxing Mediterranean resort city of Valencia, due to our twin desires to A) see the third largest city in Spain, and B) get the hell out of our wretchedly dirty apartment and take a real shower where we weren’t afraid to accidentally bump our naked butts in to the wall and come down with some bizarre skin rash.

We caught the train on Friday after class, and although it was advertised to take 3.5 hours, for some unknown reason it actually took 5.5, putting us into Valencia at roughly 2:30a on Saturday morning. Upside: we weren’t in the smoking car!

On Saturday we rose around noon and headed over to the Mercat Central, a sprawling public market offering aisle after aisle of vendors selling all sorts of fresh produce, meat and seafood, all in a cool 1920’s modern style wrought-iron and stained glass building. After a “most satisfying repast” at an outdoor cafe in the courtyard of the market, we took advantage of the density of the old city, hitting all the major sites in only a couple hours. These included visiting: the Lonja, a 16th century neo-Gothic mercantile exchange built by the local silk merchants; the Cathedral, including surmounting the ridiculously tall Micalet, its Moorish minaret re-appropriated as a bell tower; the Ceramics Museum; the city’s oldest Horchateria, and strolling along the Rio park, which is the old course of the diverted Turia River, repurposed as a central green / park area. And since most of the monuments are only a few steps from each other, we ended up passing the same group of Italian tourists 4 times in different parts of the city. Weird

After such an exhaustive tour, we opted to take advantage of the general cleanliness of our hotel room and ordered room service and watched a movie. It was actually really good, except for the damn exchange rate. I swear, it gets worse and worse every day. What’s going on in the States that’s screwing that damn thing up so badly for us (I mean aside from that whole War on Terror quagmire thingy)?!?

Sunday was another gorgeous day (in contrast to the rain, wind and general misery experienced by Madrileños this weekend…hehehe), so we took off intending to go to the Aquarium part of the City of Arts and Sciences, a super-modern complex designed by Valencian architect Santiago Calatrava which looks like a cross between the Death Star and Sea Lab (I tried to take some pix of it, but the scale prohibited me doing it justice. It’s wicked cool.). We never actually made it to the Aquarium, however, because as we were leaving the hotel, it dawned on us that our return train to Madrid was of the 6-hour regional variety, departing from a station on the other side of town. Though we originally decided this would be a good idea, as it saved a couple of euros, we figured out that between the cab fee to get to the station and the misery of sitting in an uncomfortable short-haul seat for 6 hours (or more, based on past precedent), it wasn’t worth it. We subsequently had to go back to the train station and fix our tickets to get on the 6:50a train this morning. That chewed up the time that we had planned to spend at the Aquarium, and as we were walking up to the ticket counter (which took about an hour of walking around the complex to finally find…damn construction), they were shutting down. Oh well. We took it as a sign that we should go to the real Aquarium—the beach.

We sat on the rocky retaining wall of the jetty by the beach admiring the vistas for about an hour, after which, we opted to continue sitting by the beach, but instead of on a hard rock, we sought out a comfortable chair. In a bar. With cold, cold beer. This locale also offered us a good 45-minute game of “Guess the Nationality” of the boisterous crowd of Aryan-looking tourists across the way from us (we settled on Dutch).

Later on Sunday evening, as we were walking back to the hotel after a fantastic meal of paella in this dope little 8-table restaurant right next to the Cathedral’s bell tower, we were talking and realized two things:
1. despite the two bottles of wine we enjoyed over dinner, we were not in fact, drunk. Rather, our perpetual immersion in Spanish has rendered us linguistically handicapped. We’re not drunk, we’re just losing our English.
2. Valencia is a really cool city. It’s similar to Savannah, GA, but less rednecky and more cultured. It’s a beach town / college town, but with the size, cultural opportunities and industry to offset the potential limitations of your average beach / college town. It’s kinda like a tuxedo-print t-shirt. It can be formal, but it’s here to party.

-bdmc

I’ve been pretty absent from the blog lately, mostly because MC spins a pretty good yarn and I don’t bring the funny quite like he does.

Also, I’ve had my nose buried in Spanish books because I have my second test on Friday and it seems as if it won’t be quite as easy as the first one.

We are, however, doing a tour on Thursday of the royal palace in Madrid and possibly going to Valencia this weekend, so I’m sure we’ll have some stories to share. The royal palace was the place where I had my first “holy carp!” historical moment. I was fourteen and it was my first trip to Spain. We were doing a tour of the palace when I looked down at the floor and it occurred to me how many people, famous or not, had walked in the same exact spot where I was walking. So many Felipes y Carloses, Hapsburgs and non-Hapsburgs had stood exactly where I was standing. I know, it’s sort of a duh moment, but you have to remember I was fourteen. And, it was the moment that got me really interested in history. So I always enjoy touring the palace and I’m excited for MC to see it for the first time.

We’re also in the midst of planning a trip to Valencia, so we’ll let you know if that happens. I have never been to Valencia and two very important people in our lives studied there, so we’re excited to finally see it. And, of course, I will let everyone know how my test goes on Friday. I know none of you will be able to sleep until then. Just try not to think about it.

Oh, and I would like to thank MC for giving me his disease. I went running this morning and for almost the entire run I was translating American songs into Spanish. Thank goodness I’ve been listening to Andrew Bird and not Hall and Oates.

-cuptastic

This weekend we took another trip with the school, this time to El Escorial and Valle de los Caidos, two historic sites about an hour north of Madrid. El Escorial is a 16th century palace / church / monastery built by Philip II as a royal vacation home / fortress in the battle to stem the effects of the Reformation, and Valle de los Caidos (Valley of the Fallen) is a monument / basilica / tomb built by Franco to commemorate both the dead of the Spanish Civil War and his own self-important grandeur. Judging by the /’s, the Spanish were big on multiuse buildings wayyy before multiuse was cool.

El Escorial was quite impressive, er, rather, somber. Built between 1563-84 by Philip II, a devoutly Catholic monarch who subscribed to the acetic lifestyle (he fancied himself a monk / bureaucrat / king), the complex is, in a word “spare”, especially by late Renaissance standards. It’s all gray granite and minimally adorned, though the interior architecture is very interesting and the lack of adornment allows the viewer to focus on the structure rather than the icing. Al dubbed it “Swiss Modern design for the 16th century” (This made me almost lose my sh!t. It’s so hot when she talks design to me). It houses a monastery, a pre-monastic boarding school, a huge domed church and the royal apartments, complete with gardens and a stellar view of the surrounding countryside. The whole thing is very austere, and given its size and uniformity, it stands in distinct contrast to other royal buildings, and when you take the site into consideration (it’s built amongst the ruins and detritus of over-worked mines on a desolate, wind-swept hillside), it’s quite foreboding, almost ominous. When you consider that it was created as a fortress of conservative Catholicism, forming the anchor of the counter-Reformation, it makes sense. The pictures will explain it better.

About 20 minutes from El Escorial lies the Valle de los Caidos, and it continues the severe sense of ominousness found at Escorial. Basically, the site is located on a heavily forested hillside, deep within a national park, and consists of a 2-piece monument: a huge underground basilica and a 152.4 meter high (so that’s like, what? 400 feet? Damn metric system) cross visible from the friggin’ Mediterranean. Not really, but it’s the largest free-standing cross in the world. The basilica is hewn from the solid rock of the mountainside, the front of which is an arcaded semi-circle that focuses in on a bronze door leading to the basilica within. Constructed thanks to the help of 20,000 leftist political prisoners “employed” by Franco over it’s almost 20 year construction (ca. 1940-1959), the basilica is enormous and if it weren’t for the fact that part of it was walled off and not consecrated by the pope, it actually exceeds St. Peter’s in scale. The space is really dark and gloomy and given the time it was built (late 30’s-50’s) it incorporates neo-Gothic / Art Deco styling, resulting in a creepy DeathStar / Batman meets Hellboy meets Jesus kind of flavor. It is in no way a joyous celebration of faith, but rather heavy-handed, fear-mongering militant Catholicism. The entryway is flanked by two imposing, soulless bronze Art Deco angels wielding swords, and deeper within are a series of faceless mourning figures, adding a further somber tone to the place. The main entry opens up to a large circular altar, on either side of which are buried Franco and his idol, Primo de Rivera. Above the altar is a 6-million-tile mosaic illustrating the Final Judgement, complete with angels, demons and tortured souls. A great place to take the kids. Below the altar is the mass grave of 40,000 Nationalist and Republican dead, over whom, a local monastery of Benedictine monks say regular masses. The site is a point of contention among Spaniards, as the echoes of Franco’s brutal legacy still haunt them; our tour guide (a 28-year-old teacher at our school) almost came to tears discussing his reign and broke her highly held personal rule and spoke in English in order to convey the gravity of the site. Combine this with the blustery, frigid weather and it was heavy shite.

Next weekend, we’re striking out on our own and heading to Valencia. Nice beaches, less depressing. Any advice on sites to see?

-bdmc

Our school excursion this weekend was to the Medieval fortress city / former Spanish capital of Toledo. Overall it was a great trip, though our overly tired state—the result of staying up waaay too late Friday night saying goodbye to our American friend who left early Saturday—combined with a pair of overly obnoxious, loquacious and culturally retarded German girls tainted this outing slightly. The city was inspiring, however, and we figure we’ll make a return trip by ourselves, when we’re more rested, more well-educated on the city and sans Ger-tards.

At any rate, our day began again at the crack of dawn, as we rushed thru the park with throbbing headaches to catch our tour bus. Our journey was soothed, however, by the early morning sounds of nature, namely the cooing of every pigeon in the park. Given that it’s mating season, we assumed they were all doing it, and that made us smile.

We made the bus, passed out, and awoke on a switchback road winding thru the river gorge on the edge of Toledo. The vista was quite breathtaking, as the city rose out of the craggy valley, with a high Medieval curtain wall surrounding the Alcázar, Cathedral and warren of clay-tiled buildings within. After pulling over at the scenic overlook and doing our best imitation of Japanese tourists (there was a busload of them there too, by the way, taking pictures of everything. And I mean EVERY. THING. Toledo, the gorge, their tour bus, the little snack shop next to the overlook, each other, gum wrappers, plastic bags blowing in the wind, you name it.) we rolled into town and made our way to the Cathedral.

The Cathedral, a French Gothic / Mudéjar style building in the middle of town, is unique in construction in that it has five naves (the main aisleways running lengthwise thru the church), a rare characteristic among Gothic cathedrals (most have three). Though impressive, I must say I was a bit underwhelmed (sorry, Señora). I think it was the fact that it had been turned into such a tourist attraction that the austerity of the place had been sacrificed to the point that it felt a bit like a theme park (Bienvenidos a JesúsLand!). It could also have been because I was exhausted, or it could have been because the fat, loud German girl in our group wouldn’t shut her shnitzel hole the entire damn time, making it nearly impossible to follow the Spanish explanations of our guide. In the words of Al, “that b!tch is making me think un-churchlike thoughts.” Just more support for my universal course on museum etiquette. At any rate, the Cathedral in Segovia felt much more “holy”. I’d be willing to go back to Toledo after researching it further, as I’m sure there’s unique features I missed.

All in all, however, it was still an interesting piece of architectural achievement, and the Rococo addition of the “Stairway to Heaven” (that’s what I’m calling it; I’m sure it has an official name, but I never caught it. Probably because the whole tour was in Spanish. Oh well.) behind the altar was impressive: lots of swirling sculptural movement and frescoes giving the illusion of people looking down from heaven. There’s also a window directly opposite the sculpture which illuminates a gilded dove in the center, suggesting an inner divine glow. It’s similar to Bernini’s Gloria for St. Peter’s in Rome, but a little less impressive, at least in my humble opinion (what can I say, I’m a sucker for Italian Renaissance / Rococo). The choir, however, was quite breathtaking, as it’s adorned from top to bottom with intricate wood carvings and reliefs showing a combination of the history of Toledo, the saints, the life of Jesus and a variety of beasties warning of the perils of straying from the faith. Even the bottoms of the seats had carvings. We also toured some of the back rooms and gallery spaces where it became clear to me where all the booty from the New World ended up. I don’t think there was a single item on display that wasn’t either solid gold or gilded and bejeweled to the point of ridiculousness. There were also a couple of hand-illuminated Bibles on display that were absolutely awesome. The type geek in me had the mind to smash the glass and make a run for the door, but the horde of slow moving Japanese tourists made me reconsider the facility of that plan.

After the Cathedral, we visited La Sinagoga del Tránsito, a museum housed in a former church / synagogue in the heart of the Jewish quarter. Originally built as a synagogue, it was later repurposed into a church, following the expulsion of all the Jews from Spain in 1492 by Ferdinand and Isabella, and has since been retrofitted as a museum of Sephardic Judaism. Interesting side note: prior to the expulsion, Toledo was a model of religious tolerance, with Islamic Moors, Christians and Jews living in relatively peaceful coexistence. Hence the city was a center of learning, creative arts and the other such cultural contributions of a peaceful existence. Apparently it was too good of an idea to just let it be. The museum was interesting, but again, all in Spanish, so I was a bit lost. The Mudéjar architecture though, was very intriguing, however.

The next stop was the Iglesia de Santo Tomé, where El Greco painted the Burial of Count Orgaz, considered among his finest works. It was quite impressive, especially when you consider his particularly Mannerist / Proto-Impressionistic / Expressionistic style in the context of his very precise Renaissance peers (think Caravaggio). Aside from this church, the town is literally covered with his work, as he lived and painted there for nearly 40 years, if my math is right. Though not a personal fan of his, it was still impressive to be so close to a work that I’ve seen in art history books for years; that whole “he stood right here” / living history kinda thing.

We then took a lunch break and Al and I found a nice little outdoor café where, if it weren’t for the need to get back to the tour bus by 4:00p, we probably would have stayed and “wasted the whole damn day.” I had a pretty good steak and Al noshed on some eggs and blood sausage combo. That’s the one interesting thing about Spanish food: you can have “breakfast” all day long, if you want, and it’s not like that crap at Waffle House or IHOP, but like the stuff your mom fixes for you on Sundays. Dee-lish.

Our final stop was the Monasterio de San Juan de los Reyes, a church / Franciscan monastery dedicated to the city by Ferd & Izzy (we’re on a first name nickname basis at the point) to commemorate the defeat of the Portuguese at the battle of Toro in 1476, and to serve as the royal burial place (remember that Toledo used to be the capital until Phillip II moved it to Madrid ). It was a very interesting building, featuring some of the clearest examples of the Mudéjar style for which I had been searching all day. The outside also featured manacles and chains anchored to the building, and I’m still trying to figure out their significance.

After this, it was a quick trot across the main access bridge across the Rio Tajo, where once again, the entire tour was waiting for me to finish shooting my complement of photos before getting back on the bus and going home. Once again I protested that if they didn’t have such visually interesting cities, I wouldn’t feel compelled to shoot them. In my defense, however, I: a) wasn’t the only guy on the bridge from our group; there was also a trigger-happy German kid with us (who also happened to have museum manners—a surprise) and b) I didn’t shoot the 600+ photos I did last weekend. Only 300.

So, long story short, Toledo was cool, we’ll probably go back, there’s some photos on Flickr.

-bdmc

So we’re taking another excursion this weekend to Toledo, the namesake of Al’s hometown and a little under an hour south of Madrid. It’s a wicked cool place, apparently, but since I’ve never been there, and the whole damn tour will be exclusively in Spanish, and I’m only on lesson 4.5 of a 20-some-odd lesson Spanish course, I’ve been doing some preparatory research with the DK Eyewitness Travel Guide to Spain and Wikipedia. In English.

The travel guide is great, but I find the call-outs to be a little thin.

Thank Jesús in all his dulce-ness there’s the good ole Wiki (and the unlimited timescale that the unemployed lifestyle provides). An hour and a half ago, I started there trying to figure out what the hell Mudéjar style was ’cause it’s been at least six years since I cracked an art history book (it’s basically Christian Gothic design with Moorish and Jewish influence as developed in and around Toledo during Islamic occupation of the Iberian peninsula, between the 700’s CE and the Reconquista in 1492. Geometric patterns, tilework, intricate wood carvings, etc. Hot stuff.) As you can see by the plethora (do you even know what a plethora eees?) of hotlinks, I was one again sucked in by the seductive power of the Wiki. I’m now reading about the Visigoths, ’cause after the Romans, they were the next conquistadors of Spain.

Once I get some real data and shots this weekend, I’ll give a more sophisticated and learned download.

I could probably add some more links, but that’d just be gratuitous, wouldn’t it?

-bdmc

“The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass. If the case be otherwise, I beg his pardon and extend to him the cordial hand of fellowship and call him brother.”

-Mark Twain

It’s dawned on us that Spaniards, or at least Madrileños, despite all their civic and national pride, really wanna be Americans. This is manifested in their propensity for naming stores, restaurants, etc. for US states and cities. After two weeks, we’ve already found 10.

We’re going for all 50.

We needed a montage. Click it to see the full flickr gallery.

-bdmc

Note to the Reader:
Unlike Al’s false advertising about the length of her last post, I will warn you that this is a long one. But it’s got pictures!

Still, better read it over lunch.

Today started ridiculously early with the not-so-dulcet tones of our $3 alarm clock rousting us out of bed at 7:30a so that we could catch the bus for our school-sponsored excursion to Segovia, a small city about 1.5 hours north of Madrid, famous for its ancient Roman Aqueduct. (Note: on school days we usually set the alarm for 11:30a, but don’t actually make it out of bed till around 12:30, which gives us just enough time to shower, dress, eat, do homework and leisurely stroll thru the park to make it to our 3:30p class just in time. We ARE on vacation, dammit!). Suffice it to say that NO ONE in Madrid was up when we were walking to the bus…

After boarding the bus and promptly passing out, we arrived in Segovia around 11am and began the day with a stop at a little cafe for a tortilla (egg and potato omelet, a staple of Spanish cuisine) and a café con leche pick-me-up. Fully sated, we then began our tour of the ancient town, which has been inhabited since prehistoric time by a series of disparate peoples, including Celts, Romans, Visigoths, Moors, and finally European Spaniards. The architectural style resulting from this unique range of inhabitants lends an intriguing flavor to the buildings of the town; nearly everything is constructed out of that yellowish stone typical of central Spain, wood and plaster / rubble, and is beautifully aged. So much so, that I managed to shoot 567 pictures of said aged beauty, resulting in my constant tardiness to each successive site on the tour, to the point that I dawdled by the Aqueduct and ultimately and made us all late for the bus home. In America, this probably would have earned me the ire of both the tour guides and my fellow tourists, but here, it didn’t seem to matter. Especially after I explained myself to the guides, saying it was Spain’s fault for being so beautiful, not mine for photographing it. That and the fact that my new Nikon camera, which is made in Japan, instantly converts the user into a Japanese tourist, where even parking lots are worth photographing. Two irrefutable points that no one on the bus could reckon with. Oh yeah, in addition and the bus was late itself, so it was moot anyway. Go Spanish attention to promptness!

The fruits of my labor are on display in the hallowed virtual halls of flickr.

At any rate, we saw a number of awe-inspiring structures, including several churches which had to be older than God (work that one out…); the Cathedral which, given it’s yellow color and incredible ornateness, gives the impression of a sandcastle adorned with mud-drip crenelations; the Alcázar, a fortress situated in such an advantageous position that attacking it would be absolutely insane (it’s on a rocky precipice complete with a 200ft drop to the plain below, and bordered on both sides by rivers), and of course, the Aqueduct, a 2000-year-old beaut of Roman design that has managed to weather the tests of time (and…uh…weather) without the aid of cement or other binding agent / device between the stones (it’s all mass and pressure–physics never looked so good, baby!).

The Cathedral was beautiful, both inside and out, with the soaring architecture typical of Gothic styling, while the Alcázar was slightly underwhelming, if only for the lack of scale (it looks bigger than it is). Inside, however, are several interesting rooms, including the throne room of Ferdinand and Isabella (the pair of monarchs who finally booted the Moors off the peninsula and paid for Columbus to discover America), which features their actual wooden thrones. Interestingly, and counter to Spanish royal tradition, their thrones are on equal footing and are of equal grandeur—usually the queen’s throne was lower and more modest—owing to their shared political clout and mutual respect for each other. Al the feminist loved it. There were also a number of rooms featuring armor from the period, and each room was ornately decorated in a Moorish / Christian hybrid style, typical of the region.

After climbing the 200 steps to top of the tower of the Alcázar, we recovered from our leg cramps and racing heart rates to dine on a local delicacy: roasted suckling pig. Basically it’s slow roasted baby pork that’s so tender they cut it tableside with the blunt edge of a plate. Al got the ass, complete with crispy corkscrew tail and I got a front shoulder and ear, and after we were done, there was nothing left for the buzzards. Say what you will about the morality of eating Piglet, but good lord, it was TASTY. And since we’ve already paid money to see bulls slaughtered in the name of sport we figured we’re already on the ASPCA’s watch list, so what’s one more transgression?

After that it was ice cream, more photos of the Aqueduct and home. Good times, good times.

Oh, and about the title: while in an outdoor courtyard at the Alcázar, I noticed a unique device on one of the walls featuring a metal pin protruding perpendicularly from the wall with a series of Roman numerals in a semi-circular array around it. It dawned on me that this was some kind of ancient clock, and in my nerdy (and at this point in the tour, famished to the point of halucination) excitement, I babbled to Al, “Look! It’s a clock that uses that metal thing to make a shadow to tell the time!” Unimpressed, she retorted “That’s a sundial, you idiot.” Despite this blow, my wit would not be stifled, and I shot back, “Your mom’s a sundial!”.

Boom. Game over. I win.

Oh, and I touched the Aqueduct. Which essentially means the Aqueduct touched me. And inappropriately, I might add. Bad Aqueduct.

I need an adult.

-bdmc

So we went to a bullfight yesterday evening. I have been once before, but MC had never